What happens when the sparkle begins to fade and we start to see each other’s cracks?
We begin to ask ourselves, can we still love that person?
Am I willing to accept their flaws?
I often liken relationships to dance moves.
It begins with the Tango, full of passion, lust and desire.
Then moving into the Jive and Swing stage, exciting, playful and experimental.
Later it develops into the Latin stage, sensual, loving, caring and understanding one another’s movements.
It is at this point in the relationship that the dance style can completely change, at times leaving us without a dance partner.
Relationships can evoke a cocktail of feelings from absolute joy to a great sense of anxiety and isolation, particularly when things begin to go wrong. If our relationship is in difficulty or crisis, it can be distressing and disappointing. Leaving us feeling guilty, rejected or lonely.
There can be hundreds of reasons why a relationship is struggling. Making it incredibly difficult for you and your partner to work out alone. Often when we are experiencing repetition of the same issues, it can seem like there is no way out. As if you were stuck in maze with no exit.
How often have you asked yourself:
• Is this ever going to change?
• Why does he/she not understand me?
• What am I doing wrong?
• Why do we keep arguing?
Significant relationships are one of the most important factors in determining our health and happiness.
Couple counselling can offer a safe and objective space where both partners can be open to one another. Exploring together how they might bridge the gaps in their communication and carve out time to care for and protect the relationship from the general stresses of everyday life.
Couples therapy can help to create new ways to communicate and rebuild the relationship towards staying together if this is something you both decided you want.
However: if you expressly wish to separate, then relationship therapy can also help you achieve that amicably.
Usually there is a way forward with couple counselling, but it does require an effort from both partners and an acceptance that sometimes it can be a long and difficult process.
What Couples Counselling can do for you ?
The unconscious attraction:
Many of us have a conscious list of what we are looking for in a spouse or partner e.g. tall, handsome, ambitious, responsible, funny etc. However: our unconscious has a list too.
Our conscious looks for everything on the list, whilst our unconscious looks for someone who has the parts of us that we have not quite developed (or been allowed to express).
Our unconscious looks for love that feels familiar enough, It may not be an exact replica of mum and dad, but it is close enough. Someone who for example can be fun, but is also just a little emotionally unavailable. Love that might be strong, but also a little critical.
This is the point in a relationship when our unconscious meets our partner’s unconscious and the struggles in our relationships being.
I offer you both an opportunity to gain perspective and understand and identify these problems.
We will explore what’s behind the scenes as well as keeping focus on what is happening in the relationship.
I will help you find effective communication, encouraging an understanding in a safe confidential space, building on the strengths of your relationships.
I will provide you with the necessary tools and skills to make changes in your relationship inside and outside the therapy room.